Elephants in the Room

For whatever reason, I seem to surround myself with people who, at many times in our relationship, have issues.  Sometimes issues with me.  Sometimes issues with themselves.  Sometimes issues with other people.  For us, every day has the potential for elephants to roam about...

I'm the kind of person that thinks of each relationship as mutually exclusive of all my others at the time.  So, if I'm with my girl at the pub, and she's having a problem with her man, I don't want to be bothered by my other friends talking about shoe shopping...  Know what I mean?  Many of my relationships, a lot of people just can't comprehend.  I have a tendency to befriend many of the "unlovable" variety of people.  Not all....but some...  Every person has value.  Unique qualities that make them...well...them!  I love that.  I love getting to know someone well enough that those things that other people find strange or creepy or weird, I find endearing.  I take the time to figure out why they are the way they are.  It gives me perspective, and it helps me grow as a person.

  This is where the pachyderms come into play.  I am married.  Many people don't "get" my relationship with my husband, and it plays havoc with some of these relationships.  I go out.  Alone.  I go out with him, too, but I do go out alone.  I go out with other men.  Not for sexual relationships, but because I have 1,000x more guy friends than girl friends.  It's fun to have friends.  It's kinda like dating, I suppose, because while I'm with that person, no other relationship exists at the time but ours.  I let the world slip away so that I can enjoy being with that person fully in the moment.  It's a beautiful thing and I'm richer for it.

On the other hand, I am inappropriate, loud, and very demonstrative.  I am affectionate.  I love my friends and I tell them out loud in public each time I see them.  I don't take the time to censor myself or look over my shoulder to see who may or may not be watching.  I just am who I am.  See... the problem with that is sometimes people want to jump to conclusions about my marriage.  And, really, it's none of their business.  I have nothing to hide.  He knows where I am, who I'm with, and what we're doing.  My relationship with my husband is exactly that.  My relationship.  No one else's concern.

This leads to random herds of creatures showing up at, usually, the most inopportune moments.  I'm a straight shooter.  If you have a question, ask me.  I'll answer you honestly.  Even if the honest answer at the time is, "I'm sorry, but that's really not your concern."  I have done a lot of stupid things in my life, but don't judge me by my past.  Don't judge me at all, really.  That's not your job.  I don't judge you... Not your stories...your choices...your actions or thoughts...your behaviors...  My only job is to love you.  As fully and completely as I can.  And that's truly what I try to do.  Every minute of every day.  Even when it's difficult... especially when it's difficult.  After all, that's when you need love the most.

So, to my friends who are afraid to ask about that plethora of pachyderms seemingly running amok in our relationships, I beg you!  Ask!  If there's something you want or need to know, just ask me.  I don't bite!  And as another friend likes to remind me, "they can't eat you."  I won't eat you. :)  I probably won't even bat an eye at the questions.  I feel that if you take the time (and, sometimes, balls) to ask me a question...that means that you value the relationship enough to want to know the answer to it.  You want to eliminate the elephant so you can avoid the distraction and enjoy us.  That is really what a relationship is all about, anyway.  Isn't it?

So...open-season!  Let's cull the herd so we can get back to this party called life!  Let's enjoy each other again. I'm really looking forward to it! :)