Dragons on my mind...I'm finished...

It's no secret that I'm a huge Imagine Dragons fan...  One song, in particular has been floating around my head for a while, now...much like those dragons hunting for their next victim...

As an empath, I spend a lot of time second-guessing myself.  Am I doing the right thing?  Do all these feelings inside really have to do with me?  I guess the biggest one that I have been wrestling with lately is the "Am I finished with you?" question.  Ever-present, I try to gauge how much BS I take from people by asking myself this question.  As a general rule, when I'm done with you, I'm really done with you...  I guess the problem that I have is I feel for people.  I mean I really feel for people. Sadly, though, I'm coming to understand that when I'm done with you, it's actually very hard for me to feel for you.  It's like I've reached my limit.  Maybe I have pined for you.  Maybe I have cried for you.  Maybe I have been your punching bag.  Maybe I've been or done all of those things in your honor.  The dragon in my mind has had enough and sent out a fiery blast.  The relationship has been charred beyond recognition.

The question at hand: Am I finished with you? has a caveat of sorts, though.  One of the ways I know if I'm finished is by testing myself to see if I can feel badly for them.  Test myself to see if the nurture instinct kicks in.  Very often, I cave, and I let the empathetic door mat that I can be take over.  In this instance, I am obviously not finished with you.  I'm getting better at setting limits.  I'm getting better at standing my ground.  I'm getting better at calling you on your bullshit.  Every single day, I'm getting better.  But there are some relationships that I have difficulty with.

What do I do with those family members that I'm finished with?  What about former co-workers?  Former friends or even former lovers???  What about them?  I have started an alternate FB page under my maiden name to eliminate these people with whom I'm pretty much obligated to interact.  What do I do when they all try to start following me on my other page?

I already feel like I live in an aquarium... not even a single thought in my head is safe from some (by turns) well-intentioned or nosy person.  The number of times I'm asked, "what are you thinking?" increases exponentially by the week.  I really want to shout sometimes, "Do you have no homes to go to?  Are your own lives so infinitely boring that you have to live vicariously through the thoughts running 'round in my head?"  At times, I feel like my life has become the Honey Boo-Boo or Duck Dynasty of the workplace.  People have no problem asking personal information of me or making assumptions about how I live my life.  This is getting old. Very.  Old.  Sometimes, I want to tell them, "No, really, please stop!  Don't you realize I'm finished with you!?!?  How did you miss the dragon?!?!  Didn't you hear that???"  Because, in my head, it often makes an audible sound.  I hear a loud crack.  My heart tries to continue down the usual path of guilt and giving, but after the crack, my head is just like, "yeah.........no."

I suspect the reason the song features so prominently in my thoughts lately is because there are several people with whom I've heard the crack, but would like to maintain a relationship with.  I try.  Desperately sometimes.  But there is always just that something missing.  That unquantifiable part... the empathy part.  It isn't that I don't care about them, because I do.  Very much so.  I just can't feel for them.  And therein lies the tragedy.  The conundrum of conundrums... how can an empath NOT be empathetic to someone?  Especially someone that she cares so much about?  Have I done something wrong that I can no longer feel for these people? What did it take to get me to the point where those dragons were out hunting, anyway?  Is it possible to repair the damage? Do I really want to? Should I even try?  ...Is it my fault?  

I took a walk on a Saturday night,
Fog in the air,
Just to make my mind seem clear
Where do I go from here?
I see my breath pushing steam through the air,
Shaking hands run through my hair,
My fears, where do I go from here?

Is it my fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.
My fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.

Walking down to the water's edge,
Asking why I'm here instead of home,
Now I stand alone.
I stop to stare at the ocean side
I'm breathing in just to feel inside at peace,
Like you were here with me.

Is it my fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.
My fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.

Oh it's in the warmest night,
It's in the brightest light,
It's when the world is moving.
Oh it's in the faintest cry,
It's in my lover's eye,
It's when I need you most,
And don't you know

Is it my fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.
My fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.

Is it my fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.
My fault, is it my fault?
We've been missing each other,
We've been missing each other.